desperate life

So today i'm gonna write about " are you living or just existing"?  Sorry to be so pessimistic.  I feel like im just existing and I'm trying to change that.  I mean, If you cant get a good job and you have no money you are just STUCK.  So I know what that feels like.  If you have a disability on top of everything it makes it hard to get a "real" job.   By "real" I mean a job that you can support yourself if need be. There are laws about not discriminating people with disabilities but believe me it happens every day.

Every day I am lonely.  I cant get a decent job. My friends all have good jobs so they can afford to go on lavish vacations.  I cant. Im not complaining. The funds are just not there.  I went deaf around age 35. Now im close to 50 and Im profoundly deaf.  I want to get a cochlear implant, but im scared. I will still be stuck with a huge bill after the insurance kicks in.   So im stuck, I cant get a good job and im deaf and I have no money to go away with my friends.