desperate life

I wish I had a social life. Yeah that's right.  I don't have one. my spouse doesn't socialize and I have to friends to do the stuff that I like to do. I don't want to go to loud places cause I cant hear. and everyone else is a couple. married people go out with other couples . I don't have that. ive even gone to weddings alone.

So today 9/12/19 I had to go to the dr for a follow up.  WEll as you know I'm Daf or deaf as fuck. Its hard to navigate through life like this.  I started to lose my hearing at around 35.  Each year it progresses and gets worse. I am now profoundly deaf.  I always thought that if a person was deaf it meant that they just hear nothing, just pure silence.  I did not know you can be deaf and still hear but nothing is CLEAR. Its like being stuck between radio stations and I cant make out what anyone is saying unless I am in a quiet room and they are talking loudly in my face so I can read their lips.  It really sucks. I guess it could be worse though.  Getting back to the story I finished my appointment. I had to find my car in the five story garage by the hospital.  Holy Shit what a problem that was.  I knew I parked on the 2nd or 3rd floor.  For 1/2 an hour I had to walk around hitting the alarm buton on my car to "hear" it.  I did ma...

So today i'm gonna write about " are you living or just existing"?  Sorry to be so pessimistic.  I feel like im just existing and I'm trying to change that.  I mean, If you cant get a good job and you have no money you are just STUCK.  So I know what that feels like.  If you have a disability on top of everything it makes it hard to get a "real" job.   By "real" I mean a job that you can support yourself if need be. There are laws about not discriminating people with disabilities but believe me it happens every day.

Every day I am lonely.  I cant get a decent job. My friends all have good jobs so they can afford to go on lavish vacations.  I cant. Im not complaining. The funds are just not there.  I went deaf around age 35. Now im close to 50 and Im profoundly deaf.  I want to get a cochlear implant, but im scared. I will still be stuck with a huge bill after the insurance kicks in.   So im stuck, I cant get a good job and im deaf and I have no money to go away with my friends.